I love how on "Live Above the Influence" commercials portray potheads as really giving people. Ahaha. Like, everytime I see one, they're always offering a joint, blunt, whatever. See, in my own experience, potheads are usually greedy mofos. They are the LAST people to share ANYTHING let alone weed. I mean, they used to conjure up plans on how to exclude people without them knowing. I don't know... I just find it ironic.
( p.s. I'm not really proud of knowing these facts. )
So, this is the first happy blog entry that I've had in a very long time. It has been an entire year that me and the Wesman have been dating. Thank you, thank you. I actually am not surprised that we have lasted this long. It hasn't even felt like a year to me. I have always felt this close to him. I have always loved him just as much as I do now. The thing that has surprised me is that we're still in the "newlywed" stage. We're still cuddly and loving. We still talk baby talk to each other and everything. It's really sweet. I love the pooey out of him and I am confident that he feels the same. That says A LOT. I've experienced a relationship before that has lasted the same amount of time but in the end, didn't even amount to what I have now. It's incredible. I wish everyone could have what I do. I really do. Everyone in the world deserves their other half that brings them imense happiness. Why should I be the only one? :]
This morning actually scared me a lot. Wesley woke me up and started talking to me. All of a sudden he says, "I really want to talk to you about something that's been bothering me. I really need you to be my rock right now." He basically ended up telling me that the way our relationship was playing out wasn't good for him. The dynamics weren't the one he was desiring at this point. It really broke my heart. To me, that's just how I am in relationships. I'm showing you my love and that's it. If you don't like it, find the "right" relationship somewhere else. I honestly thought that it was the beginning of the end.
Fortunately (yet at the same time unfortunately), it was just a cry for help. He held deep within him a bigger issue that he didn't know was bothering him. I brought out of him what was truly bothering him. I wasn't about to give up something that was so incredibly important to me.
Coincidence showed me that it was the same thing that was bothering me the day before. We were both dealing with ex's that missed us who broke our hearts.
I'm not really going to discuss details only for the fact that I respect his privacy. I know that he really wouldn't like me spilling the beans over the internet.
In the end, we became closer then ever. We said goodbye to our demons and forever rid ourselves of them. It was such a relief. We're so much better off. We're better than all of that.
A whole year's worth of love renewed.
I have never been this happy with another person in my life. Everyone who has ever encountered me knows our story and how in love we are. I hope it stays that way forever.
That's what I'm planning for.
Me and Jamie have been becoming closer then ever. I felt once school let out, we fell out of touch. It was most likely my fault but I felt horrible. After I lost her, I felt like I had no friends but Wes. Everyone needs a best-girl-friend. Well, every girl does. We've been really good friends since 8th grade but this year we've really become close. I know she thinks once I leave for college, we're done. It's not true. I can't lose someone that valuable to me. She's actually really helped me with the whole Josh dibactle. That really meant something to me. I just want her to know I love her and I don't want to lose her. Since I know she's probably reading this.
Janaye is seriously a wonderful person. I have never really sat down and had a serious conversation before the bowling alley. We sat there waiting for Jamie and Taylor to show up just talking our head off about everything. It eventually ended up in talking about our belief systems. She actually showed me alot of falisies with my own beliefs and I realized how much our thinking matches up. It was awesome. It really made me like her a lot and want to keep her around. Ahah. And me and Jamie both agreed that she's really easy to talk to and hang out with. There's never a dull moment with her. As lame as this sounds, I feel like an adult around her. I like it.
Me and Michelle have been hanging out a lot lately. I really like it. I just wish that it would've happened sooner so that we would've had more time to hang out and get to know each other. I see that she has a lot of that high school drama in her life and I feel sorry. She's so much more mature than that. I mean, of course she gets sucked into it but I see her thinking about everything in adult ways. It just sucks that she's still at the stage where her actions speak differently. I really like her because she seems like a really nice person. And as much as she thinks I don't have fun with her, I do. I just hate when people mention my name when I don't care about them or their situations. It annoys me. (Not talking about Michelle but her friends)
Plus, I like being able to constantly talk about my past with someone who isn't completely annoyed by it. Because, as much as I try, I can't let go of my past. I like that she listens and contributes to our conversations.
I'm really scared to go to college.
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